Distressed and Distraught

One of my closest friends and neighbor has been going through a terrible, unfair situation the last few months.

It's kind of a long story.  I'll do my best to make a long story longer.

See, this friend was a teacher in her former life. Before getting married and having kids.

She taught for a few years, then decided to become a flight attendant to see the world.

Throughout her life she has always loved children.  She has always loved working with them, teaching them, and watching them.

She and her hubby are 2 of the very best, most loving parents that I know.

My kids love going to their house.

Two years ago Hubby and I went to Chicago for our anniversary.

Needing someone to watch the girls for a couple days while the girls had school, without hesitation I asked her and her hubby if they would have the kids at their house for us.

And without hesitation she and her hubby said yes.  Happily they took my children in and cared for them as if they were their own for a few days.

She is a friend who will do anything for you if asked.  Anything.

Onto the unfair situation.

Back in the spring, she decided that after years of not teaching, she would love to get into the school system as a substitute teacher.

She loved it.  And she was having fun being back teaching.  Even if it was just as a substitute.

All went fabulous for about 6 weeks or so.

And then the incident happened.

One day in early June after subbing in 5th grade, she was called into the principals office at the end of the day.

And that is when she learned that 3 children from one class were accusing her of physically hurting them.

A girl and 2 boys are the accusers.

The girl says my friend poked her with a paper clip.  One boy claims she pushed down on his shoulder so hard that it was quite painful.  The other boy claims that she pushed him back 3 times on the shoulders to shove/move him away from the whiteboard on the wall.

And supposedly this was all done with about 10-12 other children in the room as well as the 3 accusers.

To say that my friend was stunned at these accusations is an understatement.

Within a few days she received a call from DCF.  They needed to come out and interview her.

At the interview she was informed which 3 children had made the accusations.

She was also asked many personal questions.  Way too personal questions.

The gentleman from DCF told her that he would also be interviewing the children.

Then he would write his report.

Fast forward to late this summer.  She received a letter saying that the report was inconclusive.

Basically a case of he said, she said.  Her word against theirs.

And still she had heard nothing from the school or the superintendents office about the situation.

Not even anything as to whether she could still work as a substitute teacher in the school system.

So, last week she made a phone call to inquire about working.

She was told that they would get back to her.

Yesterday morning she heard that she was no longer able/welcome to substitute teach in the school system.

She was absolutely devastated to get that bit of news.

All along we(her friends) have wondered what the process is for handling a situation like this one.

One major question that we have is: were any of the other children who were in the classroom at the time that the accusers say she did these things to them interviewed/spoken to??

I want to know this because I believe that if any or all of them were spoken too, then the truth that she did none of the things she is being accused of would come out.

Because let me be clear on what I know about my friend.  In no way did she do any of the things that she has been accused of doing.

Without a doubt in my mind, never would she ever do what she has been accused of doing.  NEVER.

And if I find out that the official process doesn't include speaking to other children that were in the classroom during an incident where accusations are being made, then that will make me lose a lot of faith in my school system.

I would also be extremely disappointed if the "investigation" didn't include speaking with other teachers or paraprofessionals that my friend worked with during her first 6 weeks of substitute teaching.

I certainly understand that children need to be protected at school from teachers/adults that could actually be harming them.

But, what I do know about this particular situation is that these accusations were completely fabricated.

It disturbs me that these 3 children have been able to make these accusations seemingly without any repercussions.

It disturbs me to think that it's children who do things like this, could grow up to be teenagers who write a bomb threat on a bathroom wall at the high school just like what happened last week at our town high school.

It disturbs me to think that when children learn that they can make things up and not get caught, that the fabrications will just get bigger and bigger as they themselves get older.

It disturbs me that the girl in this situation can go up to my friend when she sees her at dance class(when my friend brings her own daughter to class)and says hi in a bubbly manner and not know the he** she is putting my friend through.

It disturbs me that my friend has to sit on the same sideline as one of the parents of the accusers because their boys are on the same lacrosse team.

It disturbs me that my friend was considered guilty of the accusations before any investigation was conducted.

It disturbs me that because of the DCF investigation, my friend now has a record with DCF that will stay with her for the next 3 years.  And chances are any job that requires a background check(and what job doesn't these days?) that my friend applies for she most likely won't be hired.

It disturbs me that we've come to a time that a completely innocent person can be treated so poorly by a school system where her own children are students.

It disturbs me that nowhere in this process did anyone from the school system have my friends' back.

Teachers have unions.  Paraprofessionals have unions.  Custodians have unions. School secretaries have unions.

Mind you, I am not really a huge proponent of unions.  But it's unbelievable to me that with all the unions that are in the school system, there is nothing to help the substitute teachers in a situation like this one.

And as a parent and former PTO co-president, I have to say that the idea of volunteering in the school is now something that I am not sure I want to do anymore.

Because where will I be if during the course of volunteering I am wrongly accused of doing something to a child?

And certainly my thoughts of filling out my application to become a substitute paraprofessional are no longer.  Why would I willingly put myself in a position where I could be wrongly accused like my friend was?

And honestly I will be happy to tell anyone I know, or hear of, who is thinking of starting to sub in the school system to think twice before doing it.

Because as far as I am concerned, it's not worth it. Absolutely, positively 100% not worth it.

Back to my friend.

She is the absolute best.

She is sweet, kind, and loving.  She is funny and witty.  And lots of times, downright silly.

She is honest, faithful, and loyal.

She is the kind of friend that I hope I am to others.

And that's why it's no wonder that through all of this, we(her friends) have been just beside ourselves with anger and frustration that someone like her is being put through the wringer by these accusations.

And because of the type of friend that she is and the character that she has, I know that she is not even capable of treating children in the manner in which she is accused.

Because of her faith in God, she wouldn't even think of bringing or causing harm to a child.

And in the future, without hesitation, I will continue to leave my children in her care as well as her hubbys'. I will do this knowing that they will be treated/cared for with love and respect and with absolutely no harm coming to them.

Because it's just not in her nature to harm children.  It's just not.  End of discussion.

So as she says, we are ready to "storm the castle" for her.  It's no less than she deserves.

R, I am proud to call you one of my best friends.  Love you.

potd #260.  Got a pedicure today with R, A, C, J, and M.  Nail polish color is "Lincoln Park at Midnight" by OPI. I love it.  It's dark and so different from my usual bright pinks.  Perfect for fall.